Fathers and Sons

**Copied from my personal Facebook page**

My dad is in rough shape. I saw him over the weekend at the Nursing/Rehab Center where he is being taken care of. He looks defeated and a shell of the man I once knew. The doctors say that all of his internal vitals are fine. He just doesn’t seem to have the motivation to really strengthen his muscles and get himself to a point where he can move unassisted.

I try to call him but we keep talking the same old bullshit/small talk. There’s no heart to heart, just the usual 5 or 6 questions. Then he shoos me off the phone cuz he’s tired or some other excuse.

I don’t know what to do. I could keep trying to encourage him, but will he listen? I could scream at him, but will it do any good? I’m gonna try, but I don’t know if it’ll get through.

I feel guilty for moving away in part. BUT I have to live my own life too. I keep reminding myself just that. I can’t completely upend my world in hopes that the father I knew would come back. And my sister can’t do that either. She’s got to live her life too.

But it’s destroying me to see him slide into this “slow suicide”. I pray to whatever gods of healing can come to him and help him. I pray to the ancestors so that they kick him in his pants for his own good. He needs a wake up call to live.

It sounds so callous and morbid, but it’s really up to him to want to do this. It’s really up to him to want to get better, to want to strengthen his muscles, to want to deal with the pain, and try to live, not just for me or my sister. But for himself!!!!

Please pray, send good juju, light a candle or whatever for my dad!! It’s appreciated!

I love him so much. I just wish I knew what to do. Cuz it echoes what happened to my mom 20 years ago. I saw her slowly slip away over the summer and die in the autumn. And now, I’m afraid he’s on that road.

Dear gods in all of the heavens, why??????

Oh and I have deal with that AND my own mental health & other life issues I deal with. So Yay!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: